I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
