The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
