i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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