i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
