Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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