his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk is not a location!
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