Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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