I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
