guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How does one acquire holy water?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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