i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
