So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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