the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You took a bar mat shot.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
