i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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