If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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