I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
