I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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