I wannas sexs uuuuu
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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