he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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