You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it because I queefed?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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