perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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