You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
