I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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