Pants 0. Shit 1.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
