the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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