Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
