My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
