i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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