Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
