Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
