So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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