Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
