Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
