Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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