I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
