u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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