Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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