What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He felt like a one man threesome
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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