Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
