Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
