if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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