one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
