my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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