he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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