Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
