final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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