During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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