So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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