If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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