getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
