my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
