I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
