Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
