in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
