Soap is not a condiment
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize