I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
