when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
