i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
