I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
