have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
