ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
