just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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