How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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